My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
