Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
