I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
