Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
