Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I party with great urgency now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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