I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
