currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
