so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
