Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
