i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
