what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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