Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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