you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
