Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
