My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
