i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
pray to the hookup gods
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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