my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
