How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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