I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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