I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
