Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
