He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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