I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
