he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
