well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
