It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i've created a new STD.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
not ubering you a puppy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
