bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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