Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
