and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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