just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
