I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize