I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
