I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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