i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
