You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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