Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
