i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I looked at my own cervix.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
