He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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