Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
