I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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