no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
