I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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