bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
