Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
