hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
this will be a night to untag.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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