i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
