i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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