I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
