I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
