just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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