yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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