I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
