We should be called the Road Head Warriors
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
