Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
