maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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