do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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