I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
