Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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