I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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