I'm so fucking centered right now
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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