so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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