I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We have started to decorate penises.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
