I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
