u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I deserve this hangover.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
