you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
