I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
