By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
